Sometimes when a story hits, I have to wait for the fall out to settle before writing it down. Fall out, as in, what my mother will say... So here is a post several months after she has calmed down.
Rules to Follow: if you find yourself in an allergy attack:
1. Don't eat candy. Don't eat candy in a mixed bowl or bag. Don't assume one is the same as the other. Don't eat candy.
2. If you eat candy and your throat starts to swell, don't run out of the building, away from people.
3. If you eat candy and your throat starts to swell, don't run out of the building, and leave your epi-pen behind.
4. Always carry Benadryl.
5. If you run away from your epi-pen and have no Benadryl, don't run to the nearest pharmacy. They will give you night-time benadryl and say it will work. It doesn't.
6. Pharmacists can mix drugs but are not ER doctors. They will, however, hand over an epi-pen if you scare them enough. And don't scream at them while they call 911. That's not nice.
7. Send the caped Mr. Man over to the pharmacist after the ambulance has come to settle them down and settle the bill. Hopefully they will remember his face rather than yours.
8. Be kind to the attendants, nurses and doctors. It's not your fault they think you are a druggy looking for your next fix. They are trained to be sceptical.
9. Be kind to your nurse, and don't scream the f-bomb whenever she touches the IV. And when she says be quiet, be quiet.
10. Lastly, if there is a hospital and a pharmacy equal distances from where you're having a reaction, run to the hospital - not the pharmacy. You won't need an epi-pen, you won't have to pay for ambulance and drug fees, and the pharmacist will sleep well at night.
And don't post an obscure facebook status that doesn't explain why you were in the hospital.
Sorry mom.
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